EVOLUTION STEP NO. 2: How to Better Communicate, so that we can Evolve as a Species towards Enlightenment

Dear Friends,

I am really interested in finding better ways to communicate with others honestly. We have a lot of difficult things we need to talk about in America today. If the key to a better World is Communication, then I want to share with you the best communication tool that I’d ever been taught, from someone I respect.

The communication tool is called the Integrity Tone Scale (the "Chart"). It has really helped me overcome life's challenges when I feel stuck. It is actually a lot more than a communication tool - it helps me see the perspectives of the people I have conflict with, so that we can work together without getting "tripped up" by the small stuff.

Different Versions of the Chart on the Internet

Here is one version of the Chart.
A pdf version of the Chart can be found here.
It's a little confusing just looking at it, so I'll walk you through it.

(We all absorb information differently. It's a very useful exercise to stare at the chart, understand it, and then create your own version using your own words.) 

Samsara (Buddhism version)

In Buddhism, there is a concept called "Samsara." Samsara is:

• our training ground;
• the space that most of us fill while we reside in this Universe;
• the unconscious life that is somewhere under "Enlightenment (Heaven)"; and
• the realm in which we experience Life as Suffering.

Samsara is a place where I selfishly see the World through my own, myopic Dirty Goggles, where I often do not take responsibility for my own actions, and view the world in self-serving ways without bothering to learn the "other" perspective(s).

When I am in Samsara the only things I see are reflections of my own belief systems; because if I believe in something, I see more of it. Similarly, if I don't believe in something, I simply won't see it, because it just won't agree with my viewpoint.

The Chart is a Road Map To Enlightenment

The concept of Samsara overlaps beautifully with what the Chart says, except that the Chart adds one extra step. The Chart teaches me how to climb out of Samsara. The Chart allows me to see other possibilities, other perspectives. I do believe that we can awaken ourselves from within, using this Chart.

Below is my explanation of the Chart, as it relates to Samsara.
Samsara represents the bottom portion of the Chart(s). When my Spirit resides in Samsara, I might approach life from the following perspectives:

        Anger;
        Fear;
        Withdrawal
        Grief / Self Pity
        Apathy
        Blame / Victimized
        Shame
        Excessive Pride
        etc.

When my Spirit is in Samsara, I might blame anything and everything else if something goes wrong (just not me). I might kick a tire in anger and sulk. Conversely, an enlightened person may take the opportunity to enjoy the weather while they wait for help to arrive.

The Chart identifies many of the ways I have and still do harbor misconceptions. The Chart then shows me ways in which I can get "unstuck" from that misconception.

How the Chart works:

Example # 1:

We're having a disagreement. Both of us are arguing for our own reasonable versions of the truth:

Me: "The highway is the best way to get from point A to B."

You: "No it's not. It's the streets. "

Me: "Yes it is."

The Chart suggests that, in order to get beyond this adversarial situation, I may need to acknowledge that I am trying to be Right about something instead of moving beyond it. "Wanting to be Right" is one way I have gotten stuck in life. If I always think I'm right I'll cease to learn and grow.

I learned this lesson the hard way once when my friend and I got into a car to go somewhere, but we never got there because we couldn't agree on the quickest way to get there - we got into a silly fight and never went. A more evolved person might have kindly let the other person be Right.

Example # 2:

I might blame the 1% for getting us into this mess. The Chart suggests that I should be more honest about the situation and acknowledge my own responsibilities: that I have been complicit with the 1% all along by buying things and engaging in commercial transactions with the 1%.

By acknowledging our own responsibilities, we can shift our perspectives from blaming others to feeling empowered and responsible to create the change we wish to see from within ourselves. We each hold a key to unlock this power from within.

Above Samsara - the Path to Enlightenment.

Once we clean our goggles enough to escape Samsara, we'll see ourselves as active participants in the World. But we're still going to struggle, mostly to steadfastly believe in ourselves, and what we may be capable of.  So remember the following:

• WE MAY LIVE IN UNCERTAINTY (Meaning, we're still not going to be sure of ourselves at this stage, and we will experience self-doubt - so just choose who we want to be and persevere.);
• WE MAY NEED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE GOOD THINGS WE DO (Take responsibility for them - in a good way.);
• WE MAY NEED TO BE REMINDED OF OUR OWN IMPORTANCE (Don't think that your thoughts are not important.);
• IT MAY TAKE EFFORT TO KEEP COMMUNICATIONS OPEN (Keep communicating whatever that comes up as important to you - believe in yourself.);
• IT MAY TAKE EFFORT TO MAINTAIN MOMENTUM (You're doing great - just keep it up - don't stop now - just keep getting better at what you do - practice, practice, practice!);
• MAKE SURE TO NOTICE THE POSITIVE RESULTS (Give yourself credit! Great job!); and
• AND KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING (At some point, you'll KNOW that you're on the right track. You will feel exhilarated, grateful, and happy.).

Patterns in the Universe?

I love that, in the end, the teachings of the Chart overlap with the message that Steve Jobs delivered to Stanford's graduating class in June 2005: that I should follow my heart and become who I want to be, which is essentially the same thing that Gandhi said when he spoke about becoming the change that I want to see. They both say that I should become who I want to be. This also coincides with what Oprah talked about in her commencement speech at Wellesley College in 1997.

[I]f you were to ask me what is the secret to my success, it is because I understand that there is a power greater than myself, that rules my life and in life if you can ... connect yourself to the source, I call it God, you can call it whatever you want to, the force, nature, Allah, the power. If you can connect yourself to the source and allow the energy that is your personality, your life force to be connected to the greater force, anything is possible for you. I am proof of that. I think that my life, the fact that I was born where I was born, [in] the time that I was and have been able to do what I have done speaks to the possibility. Not that I am special, but that it could be done. Hold the highest, grandest vision for yourself.

Just like Mr. Jobs and Mr. Gandhi, Oprah agrees that we should become who we want to be, that we should envision our best self, and as long as that vision is connected to the "Source," she says that ANYTHING is possible for us. The Chart teaches us how to reach towards that "Source." The Chart has worked well for me so far. Knock on wood (real wood, if you can find it).

The Executive Summary

My Experience is affected by my perspective(s).

I can often change how I experience life by changing my perspective.

Stay Positive, because we do often have a negative bias.

Conclusion

I know of course that this isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea, but one person that is able to use the Chart to dislodge stuck thoughts and communications can help improve the communication of a lot of people around him/her. By having these skills, we can help facilitate the changes we wish to see in the World directly around us. And I am comforted by the thought that we're going to be exactly where we need to be, wherever we go with this.

I am open to your criticisms and feedback.
Thank you very much for reading.
Namaste.

Post Script: Where am I on the Chart?

The Wonderful Me asked me where I am on the Chart via Facebook, and this is how I responded to her:

"I am all over the Chart at different times of the day, given different situations.

• Sometimes I catch myself in Blame, which is within Samsara.
• Last week, when I was in LA, I felt Apathy and felt Depressed and Hopeless as I was stuck on I-405 Northbound between Torrance and Westwood for THREE HOURS in traffic from 3pm to 6pm. Surrounding me was TEN LANES of bumper to bumper traffic stretching miles and miles on the highway. If I was exposed to that kind of traffic nightmare daily, I know that I would have a harder time believing that I am the Source of Change, that I have the potential to create the Change I wish to see. It is hard to know that that is reality for MANY people. I know this is a luxury but in my present lifestyle, I do not drive for the most part. I can go up to feeling like I live in "Choice" and that I can choose to be the Change I want to be.
• When I am feeling super good and rewarded, I can go as high as feeling Abundance, but it takes a lot of effort and constant "cleansing" of the negative experiences I collect as I go through daily life. Yoga, swimming, playing music, and dancing are the ways I cleanse my spirit. All of these activities help me release trapped energy or "chi" from my body, which helps me move forward and release stuck thoughts and feelings. It is a daily practice in maintaining self-awareness. Daily life is our spiritual training ground.

One thing: I do not judge myself or others for where we are on our respective journeys. We are where we are, and it is what it is. Shouganai. We're all just ambling down life's paths." Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Let's live by example (positive reinforcement), and not in judgment (negative reinforcement)."