The Teachings of Perro

Perro is teaching me yet another lesson.

Oh how I wish I can have Perro back! I find myself looking for him constantly. Where is he? And then I have to remind myself about yesterday. And then my heart sinks but I still look for him, wishing that I was wrong.

The lessons for today are:
Never waste the life we are given.
Be the best we can, every day.
Seize the Day.
Our time in this realm is a gift.
Today can never be repeated again.
So don't take it for granted.

I know these lessons - but it's good to be reminded.
These are all life lessons that will help me live a simpler life. IMHO.

Perro aka Petal died today at 2pm.

He was an awesome dog and an awesome Spirit.His Spirit was friends with my Spirit.
And he nurtured my soul, and hopefully, I gave him enough in return.

I realize that, even though he was a dog, he was a unique, unrepeatable spirit unlike any other. The technology exists to clone him genetically, but he, as a sum total of his nurturing and naturing, was unique.
And he held a unique place in this World for me.

I made new friends yesterday. I had left Perro at the hospital (thinking that he was going to get better). But I was grieving his illness, and so when a neighbor (name starts with the initial S) who I'd been casually conversing with here and now for months invited me over, I ended up spending the entire evening at their house, smoking and drinking and talking. They are a family of four, and a bunch of their friends were there as well. S's husband T told me that he was born Muslim, and that he has studied all religions - and that he realized that all religions basically say the same thing: "God is Within Us."

So we are all unique and we all carry God within. (Later, when I talked about this with a Shaman I met randomly, he corrected me to say that actually, his view is slightly different. He says that actually, the correct statement is that "God is Within All Beings" - not just humans. I agreed with him that that was a better statement. Because it included Perro.)

(February 14th update: Since, I've thought about this a bit more and I think now the correct statement is "God is Everywhere." Buddhists have a way of placing a lot of importance to serving the other, but in a very self conscious way. And Christianity says that humans sin and that we must seek God which is without (outside of us). So I think the correct statement is that God is both within and without. Indeed, God is everywhere you want to be. Just like American Express.)

I've heard a Buddhist teaching that says that there are 6 billion paths to Peace (now 7 billion). They say that each human being represents a new opportunity for Peace. We are, each one of us, all opportunities for a better World. We are given this lifetime to show our true colors and shine through all the adversity, in order to be representations of the God that we wish for. And God is Love, above all else. Both God and Love are pregnant with infinite possibilities, IMHO.

I believe that this principal even extends to puppies like Perro. He was a unique, unrepeatable angel on earth, a symbol of good and love. Perro was my teacher. He taught me love, when all else felt concluded. When I was younger, he nourished my heart, and loved me back to life when I could have deserted it. He pawed at my hands, and gave me something to hold onto. His spirit, and the existence of him, made me a believer - that anything is possible, to even a fool like me.

So here's a poem I wrote for Perro months ago (Sept 2009, to be exact).
I'm reprinting it here as a eulogy to my Puppy.

As your
Berro sticks out ("Berro" means "tongue," and "Perro" means "slurp")
Can’t I resist the temptation to
Dance with your paws
Eager to please, you
Feign deathly hunger
Getting no-where with your whines
Happily wagging your fuzz
In the hopes of getting lucky
Just barely short of desperation
Kissing the floor which I walk on
Lickity lickity lick
Making the floor very sticky
Nothing you do makes me angry
Owing to your grand cuteness
Perro you are my darling
Quite a shame you are a dog
Resting your chin on my arm
Slumber you do while you snore
Tickling me with your wet nose
Up you go with your whine
Vetting for lady luck’s smile
Wetting your appetite for more
Xciting tidbits to fall
You are so amazingly perfect
Zeus made you for me - and me for you!

Perro - I will miss you very very much.
Thank you for being my teacher.
You will always be my love.

Winter Solstice and the Full Moon - a time of pregnant transformation

My friend Sharron sent me a beautiful e-mail. I want to re-print it here but I'm still getting clearance from her and her friends. They wrote it together.

Sharron's e-mail was about the winter solstice and the full moon that took place on December 20th. It was the first lunar eclipse that took place on the same day as the winter solstice (the shortest day of the year) in 350+ years. She talked about the importance of Darkness: Without darkness, nothing can be born. All life first begins in darkness. Darkness is pregnant with possibilities.

They spoke about Kali, the hindu goddess of destruction. Without destruction, there are no new beginnings.

"From the comfort and safety of this blessed darkness, let us release the fear of the unknown and welcome the light. There are two ways of spreading light, to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." E. Wharton

“To continue one’s journey in the darkness with one’s footsteps guided by the illumination of REMEMBERED RADIANCE, is to know courage of a peculiar kind, the courage to demand that light continue to be light even in the surrounding darkness” H. Thurman

Another friend of mine gave me, for Christmas, a DVD of "Eat Prey Love," originally a book written by Elizabeth Gilbert. In the movie, Richard from Texas talks about how transformation is difficult but necessary - that it's a GOOD thing.

I believe in the Goodness of Transformation. I believe that right now, things are "dark" because I'm letting go of all the things that weren't working for me, before I decided to simplify my life. I'm letting go of the food, lifestyle, and love that I thought would nourish my soul but didn't. It's hard - but I'm looking forward to the new me that is nourished completely by what the Universe provides me with, without over-consuming resources and without my strained interventions. It's a painful journey along the way - I'm making a lot of mistakes in applying the lessons that are being taught to me - the main lesson being that I should trust my instincts. I'm writing this blog to record the lessons so I'll remember them. I don't trust my instincts fully yet, so I make a lot of mistakes and it's not been a picnic around here - but I've seen the light in life and I remember happiness. So I know it's waiting for me somewhere on the other side of this.

I want to be the change that I want to see in the World. That's the only way I know how to exist, because that is my life purpose - to help others realize our Oneness in this Universe. These days, my life purpose has felt like a burden. I miss the days of living selfishly and unconsciously. I miss being stupid. But life has presented me with a challenge, and I don't know how to walk away from it without it being a challenge.

Yet.

OK, giving up meat is not so simple.

And I performed retail therapy today.
I haven't taken my dogs on long walks this last couple of weeks.
It's been really busy.
In a good way, maybe.
Or not? I have no idea.
OK - I had pork today. And the dish wasn't even worth breaking the rule for.
I was just hungry and cold and the memory of ramen (Japanese-style noodle soup) comforted me.

On the Spirituality of Simplicity (Part Two)

Spending Thanksgiving weekend by myself was pretty much the scariest thing I could think of doing. What would that mean about me? Am I truly that alone? And the simple truth was this: Yes, I am. And so I embraced it. And then the people who cared about me called me, and I relished the free time I had for the first time in a long time. I appreciated and cherished my friendships more than ever before, because I knew that those people were in my life because the feelings were mutual. And you know what? Those emotions that I was afraid would come knocking on my door - depression, sadness, loneliness - never arrived (or maybe I should say that they didn't stick around). Instead, I was happy, relaxed, and content with the life I did have.

I did cry a little bit over the weekend, but the crying was a release, an acceptance, an exercise in putting closure to the things that have been. I believe that whenever I shed tears, it's because I've finally accepted something as Truth. I welcome the tears, because acceptance only comes after I've gone through the stages of what Kubler-Ross called the five stages of grief (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model). The five stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. By the time I cry, I've experienced a myriad of emotions. And knowing that my tears are a sign of my mental health is a good relief. Because at times I've felt like I'm going insane, because the things I am accepting are so outside of who I've been until that point.The act of acceptance makes me a new person with a different outlook on life.

Also, on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I wrote about how I had a vision of driving up the coast. That was what I used to do to blow off some steam, before I chose the simpler life. What I actually did was different. I walked around town, and realized that it has been very beautiful here in the Fall. I bundled up to walk in the cold weather. It rained a lot over the weekend. The changes in the weather are a lot more subtle here compared to the East Coast, but it's there if you pay attention. The Ginkgo leaves turn a brilliant golden-yellow.The nippy-ness of the cold felt refreshing and invigorating. 

At this point, I've thought long and hard about what my needs are at the most basic level. Having been an avid backpacker when I was younger taught me, among many things, that in the end, we don't need that much to persist. The things that I can carry on my back will sustain me for at least a week, if not more. And that's a powerful thought. When it comes down to it, I just don't need that much to be happy.

That's why I wrote the Thanksgiving Prayer. Because I think the list pretty much says it all. I need: Access to Nature, Shelter, Food, Warmth, Love, Teachers (and therefore Students), Companions, Peace around me, and the knowledge that I am part of something bigger.

Once I'd really figured out the things I need, I could then start to shed the things that do not directly affect these things. I'll probably have to ween myself off of some pleasures (like I won't be able to eat out as much) but in the end that's actually healthier and also better for the environment because then I'll actually control the ingredients of the food I consume. Hopefully I'll do my best to purchase organic, local produce. Of course, I will probably cheat a little here and there (I like getting my toilet paper in bulk at Costco) for the foreseeable future until I figure out other solutions for each type of consumer product. (For example, I've been looking for personal care products, i.e. shampoos & conditioners, that are NOT packaged in plastic - it's very hard to find.) But for now, I've actually been buying most of my food at the local farmer's market. The Berkeley Farmer's Market unfolds a block away every Tuesday. I can get meat, fish, frozen locally made tamales / pasta, yogurt, ice cream, cookies, fresh bread, chocolate, Blue Bottle Coffee, and seasonal vegetables and fruits. It really is enough. And it's a lot healthier then the other stuff I used to eat. So my new life rule is that if I'm going grocery shopping, I'm going to go there on foot (I will continue to get some staples like flour / sugar / salt / etc. at the grocery store up the street).

In conclusion, I didn't use the car these past four days... except twice to go get food. But otherwise, I walked everywhere, even to the hardware store 30 minutes away, with my dogs. And I found that to be very enjoyable. I am becoming more attuned to the power of the natural world, and the beauty of it as well. The things that my subconscious finds beautiful are strong clues to the path that I am meant to follow.

On the Spirituality of Simplicity (Part One)

This exercise of simplifying my life is a Spiritual Path. It is a path towards letting go of attachments. It is also a very clear path towards Happiness and Enlightenment, at least according to the Dalai Lama. All of that, for just simplifying my life! What a bargain.

I haven't been writing as much about simplifying the material things in my life (my motorcycle battery, etc.) because for one, it's been raining outside, but also because I have been busy absorbing information for the past couple of months about how to live simply. At some point, I realized that simplifying my life was mostly about my mental outlook on life. 

Below, I've paraphrased key points I learned in my  research (identified in italics). My own extrapolations are in bold.

In order to be happier, we first need to stop consuming that which we think will make us happier, but ultimately does not. Because once we let go of the things that are not working, we could make room for other things that might make us happier. See http://zenhabits.net/zen-attachment/

To put the above precept into practice, I needed to:
First, identify the necessary things in my life. From that, extrapolate the optional things. (That which is not necessary is optional.)

See Part Two for the extended story, but for me, the necessary things in my life are: Access to Nature, Shelter, Food, Warmth, Love, Teachers (and therefore Students), Companions, Peace around me, and the knowledge that I am part of something bigger.

Once I identified the necessary things in my life, then I could identify the other things that were optional. It's just a process of elimination. So the first thing I looked at was my relationship with the Oracle. Most romantic relationships start as optional relationships, so it was not hard to identify as an optional item in my life.

Second, ask myself honestly if that optional thing brings me happiness in the way I feel is important.

So I asked myself this: "Is this relationship really making me happy?"

Sadly, the answer was a No. 

There were too many points of conflicts in the relationship.
And I now had a new found knowledge that, if I let go of him, I might make space for other things that might make us both happier.

I also have learned that I have to let go of trying to control my happiness (which is the same thing as letting go of attachments). To "control happiness" is to try to manipulate my surroundings so that it would make me happier, as if the people and things external to me could deliver me the happiness that I was looking for. Instead, I must personally take responsibility for my own happiness, and so I must choose / not choose the things that make me happy without the manipulation / control. All I can do is say "yes" or "no" to a situation, in order to choose whether it is in my life or not. I can't attach conditions such as, "Yes, but..." It just doesn't seem to work out. See CNM: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, by Melody Beattie. See also See http://zenhabits.net/zen-attachment/.

Third, if it's not making me happy, let it go.

So I let go of the Oracle, finally. 

Once I let go of the things that are not working, I could make room for the things that might make me happier. Whether or not it's the same person I find happiness with in the end - that almost doesn't matter.

After I realized how obvious the above lessons were, I started to beat myself up, because I felt I should have known these things earlier in my life - that happiness was just a matter of me shifting my mindset. I wished I had trusted years ago that I would be OK, regardless of whether I tried to control the situation or not (I'm a Lawyer, what can I say? The profession makes me both controlling and un-trusting.). But I also know now that none of my life has been wasted, for I needed to learn my past lessons to be ready for the lessons I'm learning now. See CNM: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, by Melody Beattie.

Fourth, Thank my teacher(s) for teaching me the lesson I just learned.

The Oracle was a great teacher. I thank him and honor him for what he has taught me.

So for me, the four steps to identifying the things I can simplify in my life are:

1) Identify the necessary things in my life. And from there, figure out the optional things in life.

2) Ask myself honestly if that optional thing brings me happiness in the way I feel is important.

3) If it's not making me happy, let it go.

4) Thank my teacher(s) for teaching me the lesson I just learned.

(I'm going to try this test on other things in my life.)

Styrofoam

Your
White fluffy tenderness
Or your amazing ability
To keep my juice cold
Or warm
Just the way I wished

You
Are amazing
What your creators
Must've thought you could be

Maybe the revolution

Of our world

Too bad

You just turned out to be

Landfill

Broken and forgotten

For the benefits you accrued

Your Creators

For a

Brief moment in time

You white fluffy thing