MLK Day, Part Three: The Divisive Tiger Family and Why We Have To Rise Above

My friend Liz was outraged the other day because she read a Wall Street Journal article that had attracted thousands of comments (currently 6,472). The article was about how one Asian American parent thought that, in her opinion, Chinese parents were, on average, stricter disciplinarians towards their children than Caucasian parents. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?mod=wsj_share_facebook Granted, I don't think the article should have been titled "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior." The title is patently offensive, which makes me wonder whether the author, who is a professor at Yale Law School, had control over the title of the article. Let's not even talk about how the Wall Street Journal has changed in recent years since being bought by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wall_Street_Journal

Liz was outraged not by the content of the article, but the vitriol and finger pointing that ensued in the comment section thereafter. Liz, being a mother of two young children and being half Caucasian and half Asian, struggles with parenting issues on a daily basis. She says that she is, in fact, more strict towards her children than the average White parent. But she is also more reasonable than the average Asian parent. In her own words, this is what she said:

I am less disappointed with the whole notion that my parenting doesn't fit neatly into any particular category (in fact,  I suspect that most people would find themselves straddling some lines-- this is America after all. Also, as a hybrid girl my whole life, I have never fit neatly anywhere so why would my parenting choices?), but rather, that the tone of the comments are, on the whole, defensive, offensive, and often attack race. The article, despite it's inflammatory title, is actually about the choices we make as parents. I wonder how many of those 6,000+ comments were written by people who made it past the headline? Or were able to get past the headline enough to actually process what they were reading through something other than the knee jerk "protect my peeps" filter that is pretty much a given in any forum, but most certainly in our political discourse. How are we ever going to have honest discussions that actually mean anything if we can't stop feeling that we need to protect those things we can't change (like our race or orientation) or things we can (like any choice or decision we make) from scrutiny or judgment? I mean seriously, why can't we sometimes just agree to disagree?

Turns out that the daughter of the Tiger Mom published an article titled, "Why I Love My Strict Chinese Mom" in defense of Mom:
http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/why_love_my_strict_chinese_mom_uUvfmLcA5eteY0u2KXt7hM

She's obviously a smart kid, just like mommy and daddy. She says in the article that "the meaning of life is different for everyone" - so she's agreeing with my friend Liz's conclusion - she's saying : "Can we just agree to disagree?"

Here's the thing that bugs me, though. The actions of the Tiger Family have bred disagreement and upset. Their actions, as a whole, have created negative resentment. They have, no doubt, struck a chord in American Society these days because of a pervasive fear that Americans are feeling towards China. But at what expense?

[The irony is that the same people who fear the rising economic power of China continue to shop at Target and Walmart - opening their wallets and their savings to buy more Chinese products, widening the trade imbalance. Note to Americans: If you value American values, you must also value American products. Shop local. Vote with your wallet. Think before purchasing things. I know times are tough. But times will be tougher if you don't shop consciously and think about the consequences of your actions.]

Back to why we have to do better than the Tiger Family: We can't just agree to disagree about everything. We live in the same country, and the same planet, and we need to live with each other. Moreover, Americans have already tried "separate but equal." Our public school system still suffers from the failures of those principals. We know it doesn't work. Separate is inherently unequal. That's not what this country is about. I think we have to do better than that, and I think I know just the skill set that might help. We, as Americans, need to learn about the basic pitfalls of communication, and learn to communicate effectively so that we can act like we live in the same World. It's do or die. Seriously.