Got my hands dirty and took out the motorcycle battery. It should have been easy but I didn't have the right tools to squeeze in and unscrew the parts, so it took forever (about 1.5 hours) to maneuver around tight corners to take off the cover to the battery, and then the battery.
I hooked up the battery directly to the battery tender, and it seems to be charging nicely. Now I just have to monitor it and if all goes well... then I would have fixed the darn thing for free. In the past I've had the bike towed away and gotten a new battery replaced by the nice guys at the store. But I was just outsourcing my problem at the expense of my bank account. It cost a chunk of money, and it didn't make me want to sell the bike for it being such a huge hassle to maintain. From now on, I am not outsourcing my hobbies so that I can appreciate the true cost of not living simply. Ultimately, things like this cost us money or time or both. If I don't truly love or need that activity to be part of my life, I probably shouldn't have it in my life.
Sense of accomplishment for taking out the battery? Yes. Job well done for the day.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
It's been a month - a status check
Happy Halloween!!
I am dressing up as the cookie monster today. I was going to make home made cookies as treats to go with the outfit, but was reminded that that isn't such a great idea (because parents don't trust that strangers wouldn't spike it with poison - so those types of treats are thrown out before the kids get to it). It's sad to know that the favored treats are the candy bars that line the shelves of the local drugstore. They aren't as healthy, and often are loaded with artificial ingredients.
Stalling
Maybe my subconscious has been stalling. I believe it was a month ago that I hatched this crazy idea of blogging about simplifying my life for the next 365 days for the sake of the environment. Like a little birdie. I've sold one car since. And I've been doing a lot of cleaning out my emotional clutter - but it's been mostly talk and no action. In month two, it will be time to get more serious.
Why Bother?
I read a seminal article written by Michael Pollan, best selling author and brilliant visionary, called "Why Bother?" He wrote it in 2008, and it explains why I'm bothering to simplify my life. The article can be found at: http://michaelpollan.com/articles-archive/why-bother/
He also wrote several books on the issue, and they are all quite brilliant. I wasn't surprised to learn that Pollan is a member of the faculty at UC Berkeley's Journalism School. Maybe he is voicing the Berkeley solution to the world. I drive around town and I witness little pieces of what Pollan talks about. For example, there are a lot of people who use the bicycle as their main mode of transportation to get around town. There are garden collectives nearby, and farming supplies and vegetable seedlings can be found at the local biodiesal station. People are learning how to grow their own food and there are innumerable Vegan's in this town. There are many of us who own chickens and eat home-harvested eggs. Pollen's article concisely and eloquently summarizes the "Why are we doing this?" question in his article. I'd been feeling rather crazy lately for putting myself through this transformation to simplicity, because it's difficult. The steam to move forward wanes when I face a hurdle, but this article gave me a renewed boost towards the goals I've set for myself this year. Thank you Mr. Pollan for your body of work. You are a great leader and I hope you win the Nobel prize.
Motorcycle Next!
My next sale is a motorcycle. The battery is dead, because I don't ride it anymore. And yet, I still have the hot rod ... because it's been cool. It's just been too cool to say things like: "Oh ya, my motorcycle is parked over there." Maybe that was my (mostly unconscious yet just discovered) reason for stalling behaviors like: "I'm too busy to order a new battery online." (Actually - this is true - it has been on my to do list for the past two weekends.)
I've found that there are consistent obstacles for releasing our attachments to "things."
I can move forward when things get difficult. I move through ideas and spaces better than anyone else I know. I don't get stuck or stymied for very long, when I have goals. So I figure out the next little step I need to take regardless of what I choose to do, that will move me closer to the end of this process.
So I make a decision. Regardless of the timing of the sale , I'll need to get a new battery, I think. So here we go: Chapter 9 of the Honda Shadow VT 600 Owner Workshop Manual talks about battery removal and installation. It tells me that I need a 12v, 12 Ah battery. I simultaneously looked up online what kind of battery it needs and it says that I need a 12 v, 8 Ah battery for a 600cc Honda VT600c CD Shadow Deluxe VLX circa 2000. So I need to go down and get greasy to verify what kind of battery I would need to replace to sell the sucker.
See you later.
I am dressing up as the cookie monster today. I was going to make home made cookies as treats to go with the outfit, but was reminded that that isn't such a great idea (because parents don't trust that strangers wouldn't spike it with poison - so those types of treats are thrown out before the kids get to it). It's sad to know that the favored treats are the candy bars that line the shelves of the local drugstore. They aren't as healthy, and often are loaded with artificial ingredients.
Stalling
Maybe my subconscious has been stalling. I believe it was a month ago that I hatched this crazy idea of blogging about simplifying my life for the next 365 days for the sake of the environment. Like a little birdie. I've sold one car since. And I've been doing a lot of cleaning out my emotional clutter - but it's been mostly talk and no action. In month two, it will be time to get more serious.
Why Bother?
I read a seminal article written by Michael Pollan, best selling author and brilliant visionary, called "Why Bother?" He wrote it in 2008, and it explains why I'm bothering to simplify my life. The article can be found at: http://michaelpollan.com/articles-archive/why-bother/
He also wrote several books on the issue, and they are all quite brilliant. I wasn't surprised to learn that Pollan is a member of the faculty at UC Berkeley's Journalism School. Maybe he is voicing the Berkeley solution to the world. I drive around town and I witness little pieces of what Pollan talks about. For example, there are a lot of people who use the bicycle as their main mode of transportation to get around town. There are garden collectives nearby, and farming supplies and vegetable seedlings can be found at the local biodiesal station. People are learning how to grow their own food and there are innumerable Vegan's in this town. There are many of us who own chickens and eat home-harvested eggs. Pollen's article concisely and eloquently summarizes the "Why are we doing this?" question in his article. I'd been feeling rather crazy lately for putting myself through this transformation to simplicity, because it's difficult. The steam to move forward wanes when I face a hurdle, but this article gave me a renewed boost towards the goals I've set for myself this year. Thank you Mr. Pollan for your body of work. You are a great leader and I hope you win the Nobel prize.
Motorcycle Next!
My next sale is a motorcycle. The battery is dead, because I don't ride it anymore. And yet, I still have the hot rod ... because it's been cool. It's just been too cool to say things like: "Oh ya, my motorcycle is parked over there." Maybe that was my (mostly unconscious yet just discovered) reason for stalling behaviors like: "I'm too busy to order a new battery online." (Actually - this is true - it has been on my to do list for the past two weekends.)
I've found that there are consistent obstacles for releasing our attachments to "things."
- Everything takes so much time, if you want to do it "right." Several months ago, I had purchased something called a "battery tender" which is designed to re-charge motorcycle batteries. A month ago, I hooked up the battery tender to my bike, hoping that it would re-charge the battery. It took about a week to figure out that it wasn't working... the battery was so dead that it was beyond saving. So I will be ordering a new battery online. Sigh.
- The choices are paralyzing. Maybe I should sell the bike, without bothering to fix the battery? Well - that's probably a stupid idea, because the buyer won't know what else is wrong with the hunk of metal and plastic. But maybe it's not important to get the most out of the sale. Maybe it's more important that I just sell it? Will the sales price be depressed, since it JUST started to rain for the winter? Wouldn't it be better if I put it on the market in the Spring? I wonder if 365 days is enough time to simplify my life? I wonder if it isn't a life long process? These and other questions flood my brain concerning this single task-at-hand. And to a certain extent, the questions immobilize me. And it keeps me from moving forward.
I can move forward when things get difficult. I move through ideas and spaces better than anyone else I know. I don't get stuck or stymied for very long, when I have goals. So I figure out the next little step I need to take regardless of what I choose to do, that will move me closer to the end of this process.
So I make a decision. Regardless of the timing of the sale , I'll need to get a new battery, I think. So here we go: Chapter 9 of the Honda Shadow VT 600 Owner Workshop Manual talks about battery removal and installation. It tells me that I need a 12v, 12 Ah battery. I simultaneously looked up online what kind of battery it needs and it says that I need a 12 v, 8 Ah battery for a 600cc Honda VT600c CD Shadow Deluxe VLX circa 2000. So I need to go down and get greasy to verify what kind of battery I would need to replace to sell the sucker.
See you later.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Fall Camping
I recently went camping.
And this is what my new friend Earl told me.
"It's fall. The leaves are falling and the moon sets at a different time every night.
Later in the night, the stars come out.
The moon will come up again tomorrow, but a little later than today."
I thought his words were inspired and beautiful.
We were also theorizing, on that day under that lazy afternoon sun, like two ten-year-olds might, whether AIDS and all the other diseases that humanity has been experiencing through the ages isn't nature's answer to humanity's overwhelming success as a species?
I mean, WE RULE, MAN!
And so nature is trying to kill us.
What if we've been winning the fight between MAN v. NATURE overwhelmingly?
What if this is nature's very own "Empire Strikes Back." Who would be the Darth Vadar of the natural world? I think the leader of the evil tyrants look like viruses and bacteria. Formless and silent. Not quite as "quick" as the green blob (I think there was a '70's flick like that), but quick enough and sharper in shape (at a microscopic level, of course).
I mean, aren't we ALL worried about biological warfare at this point in our human history?
What better inventor then nature to come up with some wicked solutions no man is ever capable of conjuring up? (Think platypus, the grand canyon, fire, leprosy, or any other natural phenomena that is off the hook weird or amazing. And then there's AIDS, leprosy, cholera.... wow that's pretty wicked.)
We also talked about how, in a very real way, this will be our future. If humans don't decide to figure out a balance with nature, nature will enforce the balance for us, in a very random and chaotic matter. It is very possible that my generation will be witness to this mass massacre (perhaps through global warming, tsunamis, earthquakes and an outbreak of a new virus... not to be morbid... but at a minimum our climatologists and the scientific community at large all agree that we are heading for a global disaster). It would be much better if humans can agree to change, before nature takes care of this for us. And yet we bury our heads in the sand and refuse to change.
After that scary but half academic discussion using all of what we know of biology and the state of humanity and earth, I took a nap in the sun. I was so relaxed (despite our conversation) that I didn't worry about the ozone layer or getting skin cancer for a change. I'm usually a bit of an obsessive compulsive frequent hand washer because I'm a bacteria -phobe. However, at camp, I ate food that other people had prepared for me, knowing that they had made it with love. And that was, for that one day, all I needed to know.
And this is what my new friend Earl told me.
"It's fall. The leaves are falling and the moon sets at a different time every night.
Later in the night, the stars come out.
The moon will come up again tomorrow, but a little later than today."
I thought his words were inspired and beautiful.
We were also theorizing, on that day under that lazy afternoon sun, like two ten-year-olds might, whether AIDS and all the other diseases that humanity has been experiencing through the ages isn't nature's answer to humanity's overwhelming success as a species?
I mean, WE RULE, MAN!
And so nature is trying to kill us.
What if we've been winning the fight between MAN v. NATURE overwhelmingly?
What if this is nature's very own "Empire Strikes Back." Who would be the Darth Vadar of the natural world? I think the leader of the evil tyrants look like viruses and bacteria. Formless and silent. Not quite as "quick" as the green blob (I think there was a '70's flick like that), but quick enough and sharper in shape (at a microscopic level, of course).
I mean, aren't we ALL worried about biological warfare at this point in our human history?
What better inventor then nature to come up with some wicked solutions no man is ever capable of conjuring up? (Think platypus, the grand canyon, fire, leprosy, or any other natural phenomena that is off the hook weird or amazing. And then there's AIDS, leprosy, cholera.... wow that's pretty wicked.)
We also talked about how, in a very real way, this will be our future. If humans don't decide to figure out a balance with nature, nature will enforce the balance for us, in a very random and chaotic matter. It is very possible that my generation will be witness to this mass massacre (perhaps through global warming, tsunamis, earthquakes and an outbreak of a new virus... not to be morbid... but at a minimum our climatologists and the scientific community at large all agree that we are heading for a global disaster). It would be much better if humans can agree to change, before nature takes care of this for us. And yet we bury our heads in the sand and refuse to change.
After that scary but half academic discussion using all of what we know of biology and the state of humanity and earth, I took a nap in the sun. I was so relaxed (despite our conversation) that I didn't worry about the ozone layer or getting skin cancer for a change. I'm usually a bit of an obsessive compulsive frequent hand washer because I'm a bacteria -phobe. However, at camp, I ate food that other people had prepared for me, knowing that they had made it with love. And that was, for that one day, all I needed to know.
The Simplicity of Happiness - My Life Purpose and Interim Goals
In order to simplify my life, I believe I need to prioritize my life. I want to throw out all the b.s. in my life and only keep the necessary or good bits. That means that I need to know myself. At times like this, I think about who I want to be. And then I think about my life purpose.
My Life Purpose
In my late twenties, I had the good fortune of being introduced to a man named Matt Garrigan. Matt is a beautiful person. He used to teach courses called the "Liberty Experience" in San Francisco. It was all about life lessons, in workshop format. I learned a lot from those workshops, like the importance of making choices. I learned from Matt that sometimes, it's just important to make a choice, so that you could move on with the rest of your life. Given all the factors that inform any decision you may need to make, if you're still hemming and hawing about the choice after some reasonable amount of deliberation, they're probably all good options. So if I make the best decision I can given the data that I am privy to at the time I am making the choice (after reasonable due diligence), that's the best anyone could have done. I don't blame myself later for not knowing everything. It's easy to kick yourself later because hindsight is 20/20. But life is full of blind spots and I make leaps of faith decisions all the time. And I make mistakes too, but all-in-all, I am happy with whatever path that I've chosen, to date. Knock on wood.
During another workshop, Matt helped me formulate a "purpose statement" for my life, when I was fumbling for the right words. After listening to me try to describe what I thought was my purpose to him for a minute or two, Matt said to me: "So your life purpose is to 'Help others see our oneness.'" And I said, "Yes. It is." And that's how it was decided. My life purpose. This blog and many other things I've done ever since, in my life, has been in support of this purpose. But it has taken me a long time to figure out what "oneness" even means.
In my gut, I know that all beings are all a continuum of one energy.
At the core, we are vibrating particles, which is the same as saying that we are, at the core, just energy.
I know this, but my left brain has trouble comprehending this.
It seems illogical that I am one with the furniture I sit on.
So more than anything during this lifetime, I am in pursuit of the knowledge to understand our oneness as a universe.
It is the pursuit of a logical explanation of how I am one with the universe.
Because I am in pursuit of this knowledge, I am constantly in search of ways of gaining new knowledge and insight.
I believe I learn most by being a witness.
For example, witnessing beauty teaches me life lessons.
To me, beauty connotes inspiration or brilliance.
I strongly believe that it is important for humans to have time to notice beauty, at least when we are in its presence.
So my life purpose leads me to the following interim conclusion:
This is my life, and I want to see beauty. Lots of it. All the time. So that I may be able to know more.
A LIST OF MY GOALS
Given the above purpose, my life goals are, or have been, as follows:
Personal Conclusions (Every person is different):
At the core of it, I want to have time to spend in nature, where it's quiet, and where I can hear the leaves rustling and where I can look up and see the sky. There, I want to hear the wind whispering in my ears and the sun shining on me but not so strong, maybe like a lazy afternoon sun. There I am well fed and comfortable and I can nap if I want to, write if I want to, or I can get up, walk over to where friends are, and receive their love and then and in turn, give love. This, to me, is the picture of happiness.
How simple is the above to achieve?
And can I achieve this happiness without feeling like it is at the expense of something else? I want to know.
My Life Purpose
In my late twenties, I had the good fortune of being introduced to a man named Matt Garrigan. Matt is a beautiful person. He used to teach courses called the "Liberty Experience" in San Francisco. It was all about life lessons, in workshop format. I learned a lot from those workshops, like the importance of making choices. I learned from Matt that sometimes, it's just important to make a choice, so that you could move on with the rest of your life. Given all the factors that inform any decision you may need to make, if you're still hemming and hawing about the choice after some reasonable amount of deliberation, they're probably all good options. So if I make the best decision I can given the data that I am privy to at the time I am making the choice (after reasonable due diligence), that's the best anyone could have done. I don't blame myself later for not knowing everything. It's easy to kick yourself later because hindsight is 20/20. But life is full of blind spots and I make leaps of faith decisions all the time. And I make mistakes too, but all-in-all, I am happy with whatever path that I've chosen, to date. Knock on wood.
During another workshop, Matt helped me formulate a "purpose statement" for my life, when I was fumbling for the right words. After listening to me try to describe what I thought was my purpose to him for a minute or two, Matt said to me: "So your life purpose is to 'Help others see our oneness.'" And I said, "Yes. It is." And that's how it was decided. My life purpose. This blog and many other things I've done ever since, in my life, has been in support of this purpose. But it has taken me a long time to figure out what "oneness" even means.
In my gut, I know that all beings are all a continuum of one energy.
At the core, we are vibrating particles, which is the same as saying that we are, at the core, just energy.
I know this, but my left brain has trouble comprehending this.
It seems illogical that I am one with the furniture I sit on.
So more than anything during this lifetime, I am in pursuit of the knowledge to understand our oneness as a universe.
It is the pursuit of a logical explanation of how I am one with the universe.
Because I am in pursuit of this knowledge, I am constantly in search of ways of gaining new knowledge and insight.
I believe I learn most by being a witness.
For example, witnessing beauty teaches me life lessons.
To me, beauty connotes inspiration or brilliance.
I strongly believe that it is important for humans to have time to notice beauty, at least when we are in its presence.
So my life purpose leads me to the following interim conclusion:
This is my life, and I want to see beauty. Lots of it. All the time. So that I may be able to know more.
A LIST OF MY GOALS
Given the above purpose, my life goals are, or have been, as follows:
- I want to climb a high mountain, and experience both the harshness and beauty of nature (Check. I have climbed Mount Shasta, CA.)
- I want to live in Berkeley, California. The people here are brilliant. They are open and loving. The S.F. bay area is beautiful, and the weather is awesome, and I believe that makes us open as human beings. (Check.)
- I want to own a house in Berkeley, California. (Check.)
- I want to own chickens. (Check.)
- I want to own goats / pigs / sheep and milk them for cheese (Not yet.)
- I want to love. (Check - my dogs and my boyfriend. And my family, in a more confused way.)
- I want to be able to tell every single person I love, that I love them. (Getting there.)
- I want to experience different kinds of love. (Getting there.)
- I want to have an interesting career. (Check.)
- I want to help find balance for other "beings (people / animals)" and earth. (Check.)
- I want to have a sex life. (Check.)
- I want to experience motherhood. (Not yet.)
- I want to have time to myself. (Check. Are the last two mutually exclusive?)
- I want to have time to relax. (Check.)
- I want to get to know people over a long period of time. (Getting there.)
- I want to live walking distance to public transit. (Check.)
- I want to live with other people. (Check.)
- I want to enjoy the people I live with. (Check.)
- I want to often be in the company of trusted friends. (Getting pretty close.)
Personal Conclusions (Every person is different):
At the core of it, I want to have time to spend in nature, where it's quiet, and where I can hear the leaves rustling and where I can look up and see the sky. There, I want to hear the wind whispering in my ears and the sun shining on me but not so strong, maybe like a lazy afternoon sun. There I am well fed and comfortable and I can nap if I want to, write if I want to, or I can get up, walk over to where friends are, and receive their love and then and in turn, give love. This, to me, is the picture of happiness.
How simple is the above to achieve?
And can I achieve this happiness without feeling like it is at the expense of something else? I want to know.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
It's been a lot more days!
Dear Friend:
I apologize for being away. Some fun things:
1. Things have been busy.
2. The car sold for $3200 after all.
3. The Fuel Station Nearby
As advertised before, I drive a bio-beetle (nice alliteration!). There is a bio-diesel gas station close by, and it's called "Bio-Fuel Oasis." The place is fabulous. It's on the corner of Ashby and Sacramento, which is part of my "up and coming neighborhood," and they are an all women, worker-owned cooperative. First awesomeness. Then they sell farming goods inside the shop. Second awesomeness. They have organic chicken feed. Third awesomeness. And bee-keeping equipment. Fourth awesomeness. And, and... the list goes on. They have this very cool "farming in the city" book section, and as I was perusing the books there was a book called "Farm City" by Novella Carpenter. It said, "National Best Seller ... The Education of an Urban Farmer" and pictured a familiar looking women holding a kid goat in her arms.... She looked REALLY familiar, so I asked whether she was someone who was "around" at BioFuel Oasis, and it turns out she is one of their worker-owners. Awesomeness!! I promptly bought a bag of organic chicken feed and the book, along with a tank-full of bio-diesel that day. Money well spent, because I didn't feel guilty about buying anything there.
4. Shopping
I've really had a hard time this week trying to find things that I don't feel guilty eating. Most shrimp is awful for the environment these days. So is beef. So is a million other things on the menu. Oh, and don't even talk to me about shopping for anything these days! It's hard to shop if you're trying to buy local.
5. My Attachment to Knowledge
Keeping myself simple means to me that I read more books, for now. My goal is to know things the way Yoda knows things. My understanding is that there are inherent truths in the Universe. I want to know what they are. I'd not been reading books for a long period of time because I'd been in graduate school and then on three community boards. All that is shifting. Because I am simplifying my life and I only have 365 days to do it.
More later. Til then. Ta ta.
I apologize for being away. Some fun things:
1. Things have been busy.
2. The car sold for $3200 after all.
3. The Fuel Station Nearby
As advertised before, I drive a bio-beetle (nice alliteration!). There is a bio-diesel gas station close by, and it's called "Bio-Fuel Oasis." The place is fabulous. It's on the corner of Ashby and Sacramento, which is part of my "up and coming neighborhood," and they are an all women, worker-owned cooperative. First awesomeness. Then they sell farming goods inside the shop. Second awesomeness. They have organic chicken feed. Third awesomeness. And bee-keeping equipment. Fourth awesomeness. And, and... the list goes on. They have this very cool "farming in the city" book section, and as I was perusing the books there was a book called "Farm City" by Novella Carpenter. It said, "National Best Seller ... The Education of an Urban Farmer" and pictured a familiar looking women holding a kid goat in her arms.... She looked REALLY familiar, so I asked whether she was someone who was "around" at BioFuel Oasis, and it turns out she is one of their worker-owners. Awesomeness!! I promptly bought a bag of organic chicken feed and the book, along with a tank-full of bio-diesel that day. Money well spent, because I didn't feel guilty about buying anything there.
4. Shopping
I've really had a hard time this week trying to find things that I don't feel guilty eating. Most shrimp is awful for the environment these days. So is beef. So is a million other things on the menu. Oh, and don't even talk to me about shopping for anything these days! It's hard to shop if you're trying to buy local.
5. My Attachment to Knowledge
Keeping myself simple means to me that I read more books, for now. My goal is to know things the way Yoda knows things. My understanding is that there are inherent truths in the Universe. I want to know what they are. I'd not been reading books for a long period of time because I'd been in graduate school and then on three community boards. All that is shifting. Because I am simplifying my life and I only have 365 days to do it.
More later. Til then. Ta ta.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
The 4th Day: Selling is not as fun as Buying: maybe I need to trade-in my mentality
Today, I received an offer for $3200 for my car. That was the fun part.
The rest of the selling process was pretty dull.
Making small-talk, feeling like a car salesman, feeling like a jerk for vetting my interest directly against theirs. It did make me realize my uncomfortable relationship with money, and my dis-ease with talking about money with strangers.
To be honest, I don't even want to write about this because I feel like I'm whining.
So I won't. For now. So there.
The rest of the selling process was pretty dull.
Making small-talk, feeling like a car salesman, feeling like a jerk for vetting my interest directly against theirs. It did make me realize my uncomfortable relationship with money, and my dis-ease with talking about money with strangers.
To be honest, I don't even want to write about this because I feel like I'm whining.
So I won't. For now. So there.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
The 3rd Day: Inner Resistance
It's really hard to give up the things that I feel are mine. Not to be like that creature on the Lord of the Rings... what was his name? Yes, Gollum. (He's like an uglier, dumber version of Yoda isn't he?) Well, that is what I'm acting like today.
I'm upset that I'm selling my car. I guess I'm feeling possessive about my "stuff"? I'm feeling half pissed-off at the potential purchasers of my beloved, no PRECIOUS, dear old faithful car (DO notice my increased attachment to the car today) when they ask stupid questions like: "Does the car have a clean title?" or "Is the car mechanically sound?" (Yes, I do realize that these are perfectly reasonable questions. I do.) But I feel like responding to them, "Of course it has a clean title and is mechanically perfect, you idiot. It's a great car and I really don't want to give it to you dammit." But of course I refrain from my regular tendency for complete transparency and honesty about what is going on with me, and respond very politely to every stupid inquiry that I get through craigslist. "Dear xxx, Thank you for your inquiry about the Honda CRV via e-mail. Yes, the car is.... bla bla bla."
I know that this is the byproduct of some sort of emotional attachment that I have to "stuff" that I must overcome. I have to tell you that it's extremely uncomfortable and I'm agitated. Maybe I inherited this deep rooted attachment to "my stuff" from my parents? They grew up in an era in history when "things" were extremely scarce. "Mottainai" they would say. Translation is something like, "Don't throw things away if it's good enough for re-use." My parents TOTALLY used to have trouble throwing things away.
Some fun memories involving the CRV:
1) Dogs and Butter
One warm summer day several years ago (probably... 2005 or 2006?) I had gone grocery shopping and was unloading the car. As I was grabbing the grocery bags, I noticed that a box of butter fell out of one of the bags as I was wrestling with it. I thought nothing of this, and as my hands were full, I told myself that I'd get it later and closed the door. Well then I completely forgot about the box of butter until the next day, when I was getting ready to use the car again. I opened the car door from the right side of the vehicle, and let my two little dogs into the car. I then closed the door and was rounding the rear of the car when I noticed from the side of my eyes that the dogs were acting awfully animated inside the car. I opened the car door adjacent to the driver's seat to climb in, when I noticed my Min Pin Kuro devouring the remnants of ... you guessed it... the box of butter. It was a hot day. The box of butter had turned into liquid butter. The two dogs had discovered it and in the short space of time during their exciting discovery to when I rounded the rear of the car to climb into the driver's seat, the two dogs had wrestled with the box, and the box exploded with liquid butter and each dog took its reward to the far corners of the car, thereby splashing the stuff into the car's ventilation system as well as all over the dashboard and into the cloth upholstery. It was an awesome spectacle. I don't remember the moments that followed but I'm pretty sure I screamed some sort of foul word that I can't repeat here. The damage had been complete. My beloved pooches had had the best heart-clogging soup they would ever enjoy in their joint lives, and in the course of it, covering the car with liquid butter. Have I mentioned the fact that butter, when rotten, acts just like milk?
Several days of hot weather ensued and I found out fairly quickly that this was going to be a big big big big problem. For a while, I drove the car with the windows fully down. I had the car detailed several times before the smell was bearable. Then there was the problem of the rotten stuff stuck in the ventilation system. I think it took about three years and many cleanings for the smell to be slight enough that people entering my car wouldn't ask, "What is that smell?"
2) The Malfunctioning Clutch
And then there was the problem with the clutch. The car had a problem with the clutch for pretty much most of the time I'd owned the car. I think the problem originally started when I let my friend take turns driving the car with me, when we went up to a Cabin that I used to own in Placerville. He wasn't used to driving a clutch (manual) car, and so when he put the car in first gear, it made some nasty "ggg" sounds, which sounded as if the car would stall. I had been having problems since, and had been informed by a mechanic several years ago that the car was going to eventually need a new clutch. I no longer have the cabin in Placerville (I sold it before the housing market crashed in 2006) though I loved that Cabin - it was a really peaceful and beautiful cedar cabin. No nails had been used in its construction. Even though my friend had probably screwed up the clutch that weekend, the problems with the clutch always brought me back to a memory of a happy weekend visiting the cabin with a dear old friend.
3) Terror Struck kids
I also hold fondly my memory of me trying to teach my sister how to drive the darn car with her two kids, looking terror struck, strapped in child-safety seats in the back seat... these are all good memories that I have in connection to that CRV.
These and more memories, are associated with that car.
Letting Go
Tomorrow, I will have a ceremony.
I'll smudge her (the car) with sage to honor her, and release her, and to say to her:
"I no longer require your presence to celebrate your memories. Thank you for your service. Namaste."
I'm upset that I'm selling my car. I guess I'm feeling possessive about my "stuff"? I'm feeling half pissed-off at the potential purchasers of my beloved, no PRECIOUS, dear old faithful car (DO notice my increased attachment to the car today) when they ask stupid questions like: "Does the car have a clean title?" or "Is the car mechanically sound?" (Yes, I do realize that these are perfectly reasonable questions. I do.) But I feel like responding to them, "Of course it has a clean title and is mechanically perfect, you idiot. It's a great car and I really don't want to give it to you dammit." But of course I refrain from my regular tendency for complete transparency and honesty about what is going on with me, and respond very politely to every stupid inquiry that I get through craigslist. "Dear xxx, Thank you for your inquiry about the Honda CRV via e-mail. Yes, the car is.... bla bla bla."
I know that this is the byproduct of some sort of emotional attachment that I have to "stuff" that I must overcome. I have to tell you that it's extremely uncomfortable and I'm agitated. Maybe I inherited this deep rooted attachment to "my stuff" from my parents? They grew up in an era in history when "things" were extremely scarce. "Mottainai" they would say. Translation is something like, "Don't throw things away if it's good enough for re-use." My parents TOTALLY used to have trouble throwing things away.
Some fun memories involving the CRV:
1) Dogs and Butter
One warm summer day several years ago (probably... 2005 or 2006?) I had gone grocery shopping and was unloading the car. As I was grabbing the grocery bags, I noticed that a box of butter fell out of one of the bags as I was wrestling with it. I thought nothing of this, and as my hands were full, I told myself that I'd get it later and closed the door. Well then I completely forgot about the box of butter until the next day, when I was getting ready to use the car again. I opened the car door from the right side of the vehicle, and let my two little dogs into the car. I then closed the door and was rounding the rear of the car when I noticed from the side of my eyes that the dogs were acting awfully animated inside the car. I opened the car door adjacent to the driver's seat to climb in, when I noticed my Min Pin Kuro devouring the remnants of ... you guessed it... the box of butter. It was a hot day. The box of butter had turned into liquid butter. The two dogs had discovered it and in the short space of time during their exciting discovery to when I rounded the rear of the car to climb into the driver's seat, the two dogs had wrestled with the box, and the box exploded with liquid butter and each dog took its reward to the far corners of the car, thereby splashing the stuff into the car's ventilation system as well as all over the dashboard and into the cloth upholstery. It was an awesome spectacle. I don't remember the moments that followed but I'm pretty sure I screamed some sort of foul word that I can't repeat here. The damage had been complete. My beloved pooches had had the best heart-clogging soup they would ever enjoy in their joint lives, and in the course of it, covering the car with liquid butter. Have I mentioned the fact that butter, when rotten, acts just like milk?
Several days of hot weather ensued and I found out fairly quickly that this was going to be a big big big big problem. For a while, I drove the car with the windows fully down. I had the car detailed several times before the smell was bearable. Then there was the problem of the rotten stuff stuck in the ventilation system. I think it took about three years and many cleanings for the smell to be slight enough that people entering my car wouldn't ask, "What is that smell?"
2) The Malfunctioning Clutch
And then there was the problem with the clutch. The car had a problem with the clutch for pretty much most of the time I'd owned the car. I think the problem originally started when I let my friend take turns driving the car with me, when we went up to a Cabin that I used to own in Placerville. He wasn't used to driving a clutch (manual) car, and so when he put the car in first gear, it made some nasty "ggg" sounds, which sounded as if the car would stall. I had been having problems since, and had been informed by a mechanic several years ago that the car was going to eventually need a new clutch. I no longer have the cabin in Placerville (I sold it before the housing market crashed in 2006) though I loved that Cabin - it was a really peaceful and beautiful cedar cabin. No nails had been used in its construction. Even though my friend had probably screwed up the clutch that weekend, the problems with the clutch always brought me back to a memory of a happy weekend visiting the cabin with a dear old friend.
3) Terror Struck kids
I also hold fondly my memory of me trying to teach my sister how to drive the darn car with her two kids, looking terror struck, strapped in child-safety seats in the back seat... these are all good memories that I have in connection to that CRV.
These and more memories, are associated with that car.
Letting Go
Tomorrow, I will have a ceremony.
I'll smudge her (the car) with sage to honor her, and release her, and to say to her:
"I no longer require your presence to celebrate your memories. Thank you for your service. Namaste."
Friday, October 1, 2010
Second Day: Logic v. Emotion
I woke up this morning feeling very motivated. I immediately consulted my Oracle (the smartest person I know on this earth), for some sage advice.
I asked him: "So should I sell my car?"
Oracle / my boyfriend "Yes. You should sell your car."
Me: "Hmm. What about the fact that I need to haul stuff around town to fix my house up, or when we go camping? What will I do if I need a bigger vehicle?"
Oracle: "You can use my car."
Me: "... (When the Oracle says that I can use his stuff, I need to be very careful, since I tend to be rough with stuff and the Oracle is not. His stuff is sometimes too nice for my use. The CRV is mine and I don't care if I scratch it. He cares deeply if I scratch his car, and through the years I've learned that my using his "stuff" is not the best thing for our relationship.)"
Oracle: "How many times a year do you actually need a bigger car?"
Me: "Once or twice."
Oracle: "It would be much cheaper for you to just rent a car when you need it. How about if you do those zipcar.com type things (where you can rent a car just to get around town, but only when you really need it?)"
Me: "Hmm. That sounds like a hassle to have to rent a car, when I already could have a car."
Oracle: "..."
Me: "..."
OK, so talking to the Oracle didn't help today. The Oracle, mind you, is a genius. He can out-logic anyone and everyone I know. He is a computer science / engineering professor at a prestigious University. He was at MIT before that, and he is surrounded by world-renowned scientists. Being able to pick the Oracle's brain when making decisions in my life is the best relationship perk, ever.
I have to say that being a smart woman, I trump the Oracle in some decision making arenas. If the Oracle couldn't convince me that I should sell my car using logic, that pretty much meant to me, in the end, that getting rid of my petroleum-guzzling car was not a logical decision, because I could think of any number of logical reasons to keep the car around.
Instead, selling the car became an emotional decision for me - probably like marriage or having a baby. What did I want, ultimately? What is the big picture here, and what type of leap of faith do I need to make for me to feel good about parting with something that benefits me sometimes. The decision was ... harder than I thought it would be.
Absent any convincing logical endorsements from my scientific community (my boyfriend), in the end I decided to sell my petroleum fueled car, despite the inconvenience this may cause in my life, because it was the right thing to do. For my own sake, I myself needed to become the change that I wanted others to be.
I asked him: "So should I sell my car?"
Oracle / my boyfriend "Yes. You should sell your car."
Me: "Hmm. What about the fact that I need to haul stuff around town to fix my house up, or when we go camping? What will I do if I need a bigger vehicle?"
Oracle: "You can use my car."
Me: "... (When the Oracle says that I can use his stuff, I need to be very careful, since I tend to be rough with stuff and the Oracle is not. His stuff is sometimes too nice for my use. The CRV is mine and I don't care if I scratch it. He cares deeply if I scratch his car, and through the years I've learned that my using his "stuff" is not the best thing for our relationship.)"
Oracle: "How many times a year do you actually need a bigger car?"
Me: "Once or twice."
Oracle: "It would be much cheaper for you to just rent a car when you need it. How about if you do those zipcar.com type things (where you can rent a car just to get around town, but only when you really need it?)"
Me: "Hmm. That sounds like a hassle to have to rent a car, when I already could have a car."
Oracle: "..."
Me: "..."
OK, so talking to the Oracle didn't help today. The Oracle, mind you, is a genius. He can out-logic anyone and everyone I know. He is a computer science / engineering professor at a prestigious University. He was at MIT before that, and he is surrounded by world-renowned scientists. Being able to pick the Oracle's brain when making decisions in my life is the best relationship perk, ever.
I have to say that being a smart woman, I trump the Oracle in some decision making arenas. If the Oracle couldn't convince me that I should sell my car using logic, that pretty much meant to me, in the end, that getting rid of my petroleum-guzzling car was not a logical decision, because I could think of any number of logical reasons to keep the car around.
Instead, selling the car became an emotional decision for me - probably like marriage or having a baby. What did I want, ultimately? What is the big picture here, and what type of leap of faith do I need to make for me to feel good about parting with something that benefits me sometimes. The decision was ... harder than I thought it would be.
Absent any convincing logical endorsements from my scientific community (my boyfriend), in the end I decided to sell my petroleum fueled car, despite the inconvenience this may cause in my life, because it was the right thing to do. For my own sake, I myself needed to become the change that I wanted others to be.
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